Friday, June 24, 2011

35 Apartment Tips from a 25-Year Old Man (My Brother)

This excellent blog post was written by my 25-year old younger brother.  Those older than 25 also need to take note...hell, I need to take note. Who knew Bose speaker systems weren't okay anymore?  

Time to go shopping!  

1. Your apartment is a set. Always be prepared for it to be photographed and shared via social networks.
2. The best question ever asked is, “who is this song by?” Never forget the importance of a well cultivated playlist.
3. Anything you set out in your apartment will be judged. Do you really want to be known for having old j. crew catalogs sitting on your coffee table?
4. Cheap magazines equate a lack of taste and hygiene. If you do need to purchase a sports illustrated, make sure it is thrown away before the pages begin to curl.
5. DVDs, more than anything else, date you. Don’t let your high school film dalliances color the way acquaintances view you.
6. It’s obvious when you’ve bought a coffee table book, for that reason have an explanation ready for every book and be sure to have at least 4 on the table at all times
7. 1 coffee table book is an afterthought, 4 means you spent time curating the look
8. Don’t ever allow your television to dominate a room. 
9. For that matter, make sure your television is tasteful in its proportions. No one is impressed by a 52” television playing ESPN.  No one is impressed by a 52” TV period.
10. By a weekend edition Financial Times. And leave it out. When friends come over on Saturday, you immediately hold the intellectual upper hand.
11. Hide your cords. No matter the cost.
12. Your bathroom is one of the most viewed rooms in your apartment. Remember, your friends spend a minute alone in there with only your toiletries, and shower curtain to look at.
13. A dirty bathroom, means a dirty person.
14. Head and shoulders is a nice way to prove your nonchalant manliness, but please, close the cap.
15. If you must drink Bud Light, do it at the bar. In your refrigerator should only be high quality six packs. Removed from the box. Lined up straight.
16. Dust your apartment regularly. People notice and appreciate spotless windowsills.
17. The Bose iPod Speaker system is ugly. I don’t care how convenient it is.
18. A white wall is better than a white wall with a movie poster on it.
19. If you must put up a poster. Wait, check that. Never put up a poster.
20. Artwork is difficult for a reason. Be prepared to wait until you find the perfect piece. And then buy it at whatever cost.
21. A cheap chef’s knife immediately destroys any culinary credibility.
22. Would you ever fill up that goblet of a wine glass? No. So why do you own it? All wine glasses should be of a size that fits a formal dinner.
23. You’ve graduated college, it’s time to buy a nice flatware set.
24. You’ve graduated college part 2, please throw away all plastic cups. That’s not nostalgia you feel, it’s complacency. And above all, they make every drink taste bad.
25. Make your bed.
26. Change your sheets weekly.
27. Change your towels weekly.
28. Always have fresh hand towels available. Otherwise people will seek out your personal towel to dry their hands. Do you want to dry off in that the next morning?
29. Don’t ever let yourself depend on computer speakers. It proves you aren’t prepared to host.
30. Keep fresh fruit on hand at all times.
31. Plastic bottled water is bad for the environment. If you must, be sure it’s glass bottled water, and be sure it’s sparkling.
32. It was expected that you would graduate from college. Keep your diploma in a safe place. Away from your guests eyes.
33. Your book shelf will start most of your interesting conversations. Don’t let it get uninteresting.
34. Cut the chord. Control your media intake. People will appreciate the seriousness with which you choose programming.
35. Don’t be afraid to grow plants in your house. They add life and people assume you are responsible. Aren’t you responsible?

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